Not so cheeky Chappie

Blomkamp's first foray into the feature film world, District 9, showed a visceral grasp of down'n'dirty action and a political awareness rarely seen in Sci-Fi these days. His second, Elysium, confirmed that he had probably read Battle Angel Alita and had worked out how to blow a major budget on something devastatingly average. His third, unfortunately, has convinced me that he's an ideasman, not a storyteller. Chappie's baffling grasp on how to let an idea play itself out on screen leaves the film feeling slightly bloated, even at just two hours. It's hard to tell what the point of it all is. A comparison to Peter Jackson, his mentor on District 9 and the ill-fated, never to be seen Halo, is hard-to avoid albeit admittedly condensed. Promise in early work, a stumble and then a giant franchise landed on his lap is parallel in both men's careers, it obviously remains to be seen whether Blomkamp's Alien is more Lord of The Rings or The Hobbit however. 

Chappie, played by Sharlto Copley doing an Andy Serkis, for the most part, is endearing enough. He plays the little, lost robot role well though and despite a few jokes falling flat, he has more success than poor Hugh Jackman. His rugby-ball carrying, accent wavering Jock/Ex-Soldier/Super Intelligent Engineer is both the film and the audience's main antagonist. An antagonist who doesn't appear to have any real motive for unleashing chaos into the city and letting people die except for the fact that "he's got a bigger robot". Seriously, not money or anything, it's like he lost on Robot Wars when he was younger so he beefed up and started bullying kids instead.

Ninja and Yo-Londi, of Die Antwoord semi-fame, give exuberant performances that push Chappie into a battle between music video and Blomkamp's film at times with neither truly coming out on top. Yo-Londi has a softness to her that gives hope to a real cross-over for her but Ninja infuriates and both seem to be learning on the fly. Strange cuts to the pair's tees splashed with their logos and names only succeed in destroying tense moments and pull you away from any semblance of gravitas. At times it’s almost as though they shot their own scenes and Blomkamp just shoved them in hoping they worked like a student who's been given the shit group for a project in college. 

Sigourney Weaver doesn't fare better than anyone else than phoning one in as the chief exec of a weapons company (take note: WEAPONS) who has one moment of giving a shit when she randomly estimates that 300-odd people might die after a bit of a hiccup. Maybe she was just annoyed she had a tiny office despite being the CEO of what we're continuously told is a huge weapons company but no-one in it makes any money.

Dev Patel also stars as Dev Patel.

Back to Blomkamp though because despite Die Antword's best efforts this remains intrinsically his movie. His paw-prints are everywhere and some of it is beautifully put together. The attention to detail lavished on Chappie is visually very strong with little touches like his battery level dropping, nicks, wear and tear and moving parts standing out but not taking centre stage, it’s just such a pity he didn't lavish the same attention on things like acting, story-telling, script, sub-titling decisions (very odd) or cutting 20 unnecessary minutes off the damn thing. All in all it’s a distraction for a few hours but when there's so much promise there its incredibly frustrating when so much of it is so shit. With Alien up next I'm terrified but for all the wrong reasons.

Film 2014

Film: A Year in Review 

Screen Wolf - Thursdays from 7pm to 8pm on www.radiomade.ie

2014 was a poor film year. A lack of invention, pretentious indies and a litany of dull blockbusters has left me a little sour. I struggled to put together a list of 10 "great" films so I therefore decided to this would be a list of favourites, a complete cop-out on my part obviously but film should be fun and there was at least a lot of fun to be had at the movies this year. That is not to say there wasn't great aspects to some films (most of which which didn't make the cut here); Julianne Moore in everything she did, the Maps to the Stars score was in fact beautiful too, every punch and kick in the otherwise bloated Raid 2, Chris Pratt ignoring the idiots he was surrounded by to deliver a solid lead performance. There was just often something missing in some nearly-greats. Something that's been missing for a while. Last year's similarly afflicted Dallas Buyers Club, Gravity and 12 Years A Slave swept award season without there being a single complete film between them. Here's hoping the return of the likes P.T. Anderson and Gonzalo Innaritu can change that come 2015 and bring back some glory to a fading Hollywood. This is my hastily put-together list of favourites and disappointments in no real order and very, ahem, “conversationally written” let’s say. Them Christmas drinks, like…also, I've tried to avoid it but there will be spoilers, you have been warned...

Caveat to the list: there was a number of films released this side of the world in 2014 that I will not be including as that giant screener leak last Christmas allowed us all to watch the likes of Her (my favourite of last year), Wolf of Wall St. etc a little bit early. Thanks internet!

Without further ado…...

Godzilla

Godzilla was hands-down the most fun I've had all year in the cinema. Is it a great movie? No. Did it make me grin like a child for 2 hours straight? Too fucking right. The tease of the big man was handled perfectly. THAT nuclear breath moment. Ken Watanabe being a complete loon throughout.The visual devastation of many, many places. I loved it all. I saw it in the cinema twice and while it will never have the same impact at home as it would in a theatre for two hours eight-year old Eoin sat munching popcorn smiling away at the return of pure theatrical nonsense. Gareth Edwards gave me precisely what I wanted from a Godzilla movie and for that I applaud him. Gojira!

The Zero Theorem

The Zero Theorem is a bizarre, wild ride which in typical Gilliam style asks far more questions than it answers. It is still worth every second of that trip and as I sat pondering what the point was at all I realised that it doesn't matter one iota, just strap in and let Gilliam do his thing. He is not the only brilliant thing about the film however, Christoph Waltz is astonishingly good (as per) and in Melanie Thierry he has unearthed a simply adorable, wonderful actress. I wanted to watch The Zero Theorem again the moment it hit the credits but for the life of me I couldn't say why...seek it out, there's a lovely place inside Gilliam's head somewhere and this is just a snapshot of of it.

The Lego Movie

At the last week of a month off the drink I was bored. Very bored. Everyone was on a Sunday sesh somewhere and with my willpower not necessarily in doubt but certainly strained to its upper limit I sauntered into the Cineworld lobby on my own to hide away for a few hours. Something utterly devoid of temptation would have to be on the ticket so a 3pm screening of a well-reviewed but avoided-by-a-lot-of-my-friends film about a thouroughly unflilmable toy seemed to fit the bill. "Lovely. A new low." I thought. Cue me screaming laughing much to the chagrin of the two couples either side of me in the packed out screen. I think I've watched it four times since. Every time the same result. 

Nightcrawler

Such a slick, little flick. Gyllenhall is the best he's been since questioning a man in a rabbit suit as the utterly contemptable protagonist. I've seen this compared to Drive, Collateral and American Psycho but its another beast entirely. The music, the pacing, the cinematography, the gorgeous, almost black nightscapes, everything was put together beautifully. Its a delicious slice of capatilism gone wrong that deserves all the praise its getting. 

The Guest

Admittedly, I'm a fan of Adam Wingard. Pop Skull is brutally well put together for a budget of two grand (HOW?) and You're Next tickled me in a way horror hasn't for a while. The Guest is different however, it's just a very, very good film. It toes the line of cliche so perfectly. Every time you think you've seen it all before Wingard manages to push through your expectation into new ground. Dan Stevens is a major part of this too. As the titular "guest" his blue-eyed, smiling lead is the epitome of creepily charismatic. He is so utterly convincing as "too good to be true" and when the film slides dramatically into the genre-hopping, violent crescendo you can just tell he's loving  this role. Serious break-out performance for the Downton Abbey man. The support cast is excellent throughout and the score is just delightfully synth-y too which rounds out what is certainly the best "genre" movie I've seen in a while and most definitely one of the best films I've seen this year. I cannot wait to revisit this already. Loved every second. 

Only Lovers Left Alive

Em, its got Tilda Swinton as a vampire so if you don't like her, y'know, don't bother like. If you like Tilda Swinton though, its deadly. 

The Grand Budapest Hotel

When I walked out of The Grand Budapest Hotel I felt a little disappointed but though it was pretty good. About 4 hours later I felt like a dope. It's fucking magnificent. 

Jodorowsky's Dune

The picture says it all really. Just watch it. 

Birdman

I can’t say a huge amount about Birdman as it opens next week and I want people to go in knowing as little as possible. What I will say is that it’s one of a very few truly great films I’ve seen in recent years. It’s a beautifully made, innovative and brilliantly scripted film and I struggle to pick out a stand-out performance because every single actor is at the top of their game. The score is judged meticulously, crashing drums and moments of gorgeous silence abound throughout to create a claustrophobic world that you can’t help but become lost in. Superlatives aside, Birdman is the best film I’ve seen this year and probably the best film I’ve seen this decade to be honest. Go see it when it opens on January 2^nd and I’ll see you in the queue.

BONUS ROUND DISAPPOINTMENTS:


Guardians of the Galaxy

It's not Star Wars, stop being silly. Its a boring film that has a good actor who is not Harrison Ford.

Frank

A horrid disgusting film that made me feel like I'd eaten a big heaping spoon of salt instead of something nice like ice-cream or any kind of meat. How did they make such an unlikeable mess? Bafflingly poor. 

Calvary

"Let's round up the first ten actors that Mrs Mac down the street can name and miscast them all as 'characters' in some pretty village out wesht"

"Ha gas, yeah. They'll lap that up won't they"

FUCK OFF

The Double

Genuinely really disappointed in this because a lot of signs are there that there may have been a good film at one point or another. Unfortunately Ayoade (who's Submarine I loved) just can't seem to pull it all together. There's something more to him as a director but Eisenberg needs to go away for a while now. 

Interstellar (SPOILERS)

In no order whatsoever: Does Cooper realise he has two children? Why does Michael Caine not age? Why did he do a funny voice when he was dying? Why does black astronaut put talc in his hair and pretend to age? Why is every other planet so phenomenally boring? Why does McConnaughey whisper every. fucking. line? Why does Anne Hathaway's mouth curl up into a smile even when she’s crying? Why is Wes Bentley in this film? Why is Topher Grace in this film? Why does Cooper go into space despite having heard about the plan just 6 hours previously? Why do they tell him nothing about the mission that he’s on? Why do they trust his judgement on every decision despite him knowing nothing about physics, space or science? Why does he do a little “Fast and the Furious” thing to land the shuttle when flying away from the planet presents no apparent danger? Why does the shuttle have the ability to just whip around the galaxy with no problems when the larger ship is completely rubbish at everything? Why don't they just drive around space in a bigger lander? Why do they copy Event Horizon’s description of a black hole so blatantly? Why was the score so grandiose and self-indulgent? Where does the robot actually go at the end? Has the robot somehow achieved conciousness? Why doesn’t Cooper just type “It’s Dad” in Morse Code? How are NASA funding this entire operation? How are they feeding their staff? Why don’t they just share some of their apparently limitless resources? How THE FUCK has no-one stumbled across the super-secret base yet? Why does Hathaway claim to love this person despite being a total scientist about every single other thing that happens in the film? Why does this “love” motif even exist in this film? Why does Jessica Chastain’s Murph accent sound nothing like child Murph’s? Why do they not actually understand what Murphy’s Law means? Why does Cooper spend the whole film getting back to Murph only to leave immediately to go and find Hathaway? Why do they think he’d possibly want to see his house rebuilt? Why is the new station identical to the Citadel in Mass Effect? Where is his son? Does anyone care? Why does the field take forever to burn despite Topher Grace’s insistence that they should leave? Why does Matt Damon has the space cray? Remember how John Lithgow was in this? Finally, why, oh why, would Christopher Nolan try to defend a horrific sound edit and mix with this complete and utter garbage - http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/behind-screen/christopher-nolan-breaks-silence-interstellar-749465 ?

Fair play to those of you who have stuck it out till the bitter end, Orson Welles loves you...

Pub Talk Health Challenge part 1...

“I’m going to get sick”

“Come on, just three more”

If this is something you are used to hearing then I applaud you. You have been to a gym. You are either fit or at least trying to become better at pretending to be. 10 days ago I was climbing into a pint of Guinness as if I was Mark Renton chasing a suppository down the jacks knowing full well that it was going to be my last for 32 odd days. I have just had the above conversation and it feels great. Well, I can’t feel most of my body but mentally, I’m basically there.

Not that taking a month off the black stuff should be heralded necessarily but when you combine a complete overhaul of diet, exercise regime, substance intake (I’m keeping the fags for now, gimme one vice to get through it) the body gets a bit confused. I’m absolutely gagging for a Dairy Milk. I haven’t had sugar outside of fruit in over a week. To say I was irritable for the first few days would be an understatement. I don’t think I ever realised how much the body withdraws from things that aren’t nicotine/alcohol/insert Class A of choice here. Through the help of dietician Orla Walsh and personal trainer Marcus O’Driscoll this month, personally, is about proving that mentally and physically we are in control of our bodies. I mean this at the most base level. I’m not trying to have 0% body fat, I’m not trying to achieve enlightenment, I’m just trying to show myself that it’s possible to change the way we view ourselves and change our quality of life through doing simple things right. Something Orla said at the very start of this process on the show was that if we go out and drink six pints in the pub it’s the equivalent of sitting in and eating a sliced pan. I thought this over and over. I fucking hate sliced pan.

I’d like to think I’ve had a good diet for the past few years. In hindsight, I didn’t. In the past ten days I’ve eaten more fruit and veg than I had in the previous 10 weeks. I’m starting to learn through talking to people each day that it’s an unfortunately ingrained Irish trait that we see what others do and think that as long as we’re doing better than someone else then we’re doing pretty well. The classic excuse for drinking too much is that there’s always someone who drinks more and “well, at least I’m not as bad as ____”.  For me, it’s time to change that.

I’ve genuinely noticed a lift in energy, especially in the mornings, my skin feels better and I’m actually getting shit done that would have taken three times as long before due to general lethargy and apathy towards doing anything if it didn’t have to be done.

This is all very optimistic and you’ll absolutely see me act out that famous scene from Trainspotting using a pint as a prop come March 7^th but hopefully with a renewed sense of being in control of my health. From March 7th, I’m not going to stop drinking and I’m not going to become militant about my food, I’m just going to be more aware of what I’m putting in and how I can balance that against my overall lifestyle.

Day 1 I weighed 69.8kg, about 11st. My BMI was 23.6 and my fat% was 16.6%. I’m not interested in losing weight or gaining muscle mass, I just want to my body to be a healthier version of what it currently is.

Let’s just hope it doesn’t hurt as much as this afternoon…



For those of you who don't care here's a good looking man with a beard and an atttractive lady who has managed to convey the sense of being a Native American despite wearing very little. I think the hat gives it away. Something for everyone anyway.

The Magdalene Laundries

Joe Duffy’s Liiveliiine on RTE Radio 1 today was an absolute powerhouse of emotion and national identity. I listened aghast as “Terry” spoke about her experiences inside the laundry room. Harrowing and eloquently put, she summed it up with “those involved, I forgive them…because they need healing too”. Healing is too good for the criminals involved in the atrocious treatment they inflicted on over 10,000 women between 1922 and 1996. Their Dickensian conditions and forced slavery were an affliction on this country nearly a century after the rest of the western world had declared such things unacceptable. The nuns, priests and officials involved evoked memories of medieval atrocity. This island is too good for them. A large proportion of the Maggies have left the country in self-inflicted shame, those responsible should have been exiled in their stead.

It was an honour to hear the courage and conviction in those women’s voices. Watching the women on Primetime tonight could bring a stone to tears. True Irish heroines.

The report, headed by the fundamentalist, sorry, fundamentally Christian Martin McAleese offers little in the way of allegation towards the nuns and priests who brutalised these women. They didn’t touch them? They didn’t need to. They had already done their psychological damage. The report, introduced to find out the state’s involvement did that and that alone. If some untoward tales about the Church had been confirmed along the way, they unfortunately fell by the wayside. You would wonder if this was at the ex-Senator’s behest. As we all know, Mrs. McAleese is studying theology in Rome after all. The apple-cart must not be overturned you see! The Roman Catholic Church has been relatively unscathed in the opening salvos. When is this country going to denounce its involvement with the organisation that has been at the very root of some of the most appalling moments in our history? A secular democracy? We couldn't be further. The Christian Brothers and multiple denominations of Sisters have scarred the youth of our country over and over in recent history and very little reparation has been made. Scandalous.

Enda Kenny has come under a barrage of criticism for failing to react with an immediate apology. To keep par for this government’s course, the S(h)inners as usual were first to react. Mary Lou McDonald clutched at a populist brownie point by demanding a State apology then and there, neglecting to realise that a 4 volume, 1000 page report may take some time to digest. Bit of decorum Deputy, please. Here’s your imaginary political scoreline: Sinn Fein – a million, everyone else – bored. That said, the Time Magazine covergirl is notoriously sloth- like in his reactions to this kind of thing. You can picture him in a film on Channel 4 at lunch time, up against the fastest draw in the Wild West, six shooter at his hip, the bell strikes high noon...aaaand he looks up from his boiled egg and soldiers announcing to nobody; “Ah shite. I’ve a duel with Billy the Kid.” It’s grand Enda, Eamon filled in and is currently picking up most of his internal organs.

I would, however, imagine they still have the political nous to apologise in two weeks once they teach most of the independents to read so that they can get on with the debate.

In other news, the Gardai are “searching for more traces of horsemeat in beef products” according to the commissioner. Soooo…a BBQ is it lads?

Eoin Monaghan vs. The State of Gaming Today

I grew up in an age where the best thing you could hear on a Tuesday night was the cracking of a can of gone-off Tennant’s while James was calling Alex a sap because he beat him three times in a row in Facility with Proximity Mines only on. If that sentence means anything to you then you were a winner.  You had mates who would call round to your gaff to slag you. Someone would have a lump of the soapiest of soap bar and someone else had an older brother who would go to Deveney’s to grab the aforementioned fermented beverages. But these days, what do you have? A 2.2 in a useless degree because you sat up till 4am every weeknight playing online against Annyong, the 14 year old Korean, at the latest Call of Duty which you bought for 60e despite the only difference from the last one being that “occasionally my AK turns a slightly darker gun-metal grey when I have exactly 47 bullets left”. What did I get in my degree? Well, eh, a 2.2…but that’s different! Everyone remembers the night where we hooked up the N64 in Luke’s tree house and nobody realised that the trapdoor in the floor opened downwards…what do you have, online gamer?

“Remember when, like, the headshot was, eh…”
“No! Only Annyong remembers that you anti-social buffoon!”

It’s not that I can’t game alone, I most certainly can. I’m the kind of person who has forged Tournesol in Final Fantasy X, unlocked 00 Agent mode in Goldeneye, played till 2026 in Football Manager. I play Skyrim. I completely understand wasting many, many hours in front of a screen alone. But the latest batch of online multiplayer shooters, football sims and racers just leave me cold. The new Fifa is better than the new Pro Evo? Sure, but I’d still rather invite the lads round and play the far superior Pro Evo 6. Want to meet online to play Battlefield 3? No, why don’t I call over and look you in the eye when I monkey-gun your sorry ass in Timesplitters 2. Ever played 8 player Mario Party 4 in a tiny room with a load of cans? There is no better Thursday afternoon to be had. I hate that gamers have forsaken each other for lifeless, robotic stat building. And that’s all online gaming is, there’s no story, no characters, no surprises, no…spirit! The latest gaming buzz-verb “prestiging” is basically an admission of failure. Prestiging 3 times is failing to realise 3 times that you are a mindless drone looking for acceptance in a community that doesn’t physically exist.

I’m not arguing that it shouldn’t exist. The idea of online gaming is brilliant. Play your mates and don’t leave the gaff? Chalk it down, I’m in. But then the Fear comes on strong…when did I last leave this house…this room...this chair?

In the end, it’s the standard of games and the people that play them that turns me into a Larry David-esque, cynical grump. If there was a multiplayer game up to the standard of Mario Kart or Perfect Dark, I probably wouldn’t leave my house. But there’s not. Unfortunately, the online community doesn’t stand for n00bs that didn’t buy the game on release day and devote a week of learning how to count the frame rate of Dhalsim’s Yoga Flame either.

I really can’t implore people to spend more time with older games, cheaper beer and actual people enough.  There’s better ways to pretend to study and if you’re not a student, far better excuses for not having a job. 

As an aside, a lot of promoters, musicians, DJs and generally great people that I've worked with or had the pleasure of knowing are really quite angry about Una Mullally and her bland typing position at the Irish Times. While I agree that, yes, the article in question could have been dribbled onto a page by a four year old on a trampoline, it really isn't overly offensive. I'm surprised there's been such a reaction to the piece because, frankly, I'm surprised people care at all. Of course, it is disappointing that the paper that has housed O'Brien, Banville and Humphries (not you, Binchy) should print such tripe but how and ever, the readership and target demographic of the Irish Times Weekend Review is not that fit girl you were dancing with beside the Stage at Maya Jane Coles (who were you, fit girl??). Its not your mate who's just done an E.P. made entirely of kick drums, or even that DJ you booked once who wanted a hot cup of tea walked through the crowd when they were on stage. The Irish Times unfortunately didn't take the people who the article was about into consideration, just who they wanted to read it. So what's changed as a result of the article? Nothing. People still think Una's a twit and everyone's continuing to make music, DJ, create, be brilliant and go completely unnoticed to the masses. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Ian Maleney has written a superb response here :

Interstate 808

And the original can be read here too :
Una Mullally - Irish Times

That team I like...

Just more wood to the fire, nothing new or interesting here. The dust has settled and the dissection has begun. Journalists, pundits and bloggers alike have been circling the Ashburton Grove waters since the turn of the year, waiting for a sniff of blood...and on Sunday, they got their opportunity. The Manchester clubs did the double over London, helped by Wenger’s “Championship Manager-esque” substitution and Defoe’s best Gazza impression. Tottenham should still be a lock for at least 4^th at this point however and honestly, Arsenal weren’t that bad on Sunday. But compared to what standards? A lot of Arsenal fans’ standards currently seem to be set decidedly higher than the Arsenal manager’s. We deserve more. Wenger has almost certainly been afforded too much leeway in terms of how this club is run, that much is clear, but I still want him to leave the club a legend. If that means sooner rather than later, so be it. Look at Dalglish, 100m spent in a year and they've regressed to what many would consider a poorer team than Benitez’ last days. Expect the King Kenny backlash to start around the beginning of March when Gerrard tears his cruciate playing golf with Michael Owen and Dalglish brings in Owen Hargreaves on a emergency exchange deal involving most of the Kop’s season ticket holders. I fear Arsene’s backlash has just begun (again). Previous to Sunday, Wenger has always decided on his subs before the game starts. The Djourou sub was genuinely surprising because it was a reaction to what was actually happening on the pitch not just a statistical analysis based on conditioning and how much pasta Djourou had eaten that week. Then what happens at 68 mins? Back to the book for Wenger, replacing an 18 year old with an international captain.

“Look” exclaims Arsene, “Andriy has acceleration 17 and finishing 16! Certainly, he shall win the game for us.”

Here’s some stats Arsene, we’ve lost 3 games in a row, we’ve had 6 seasons without a trophy and this will absolutely be a 7^th without one of note, we have conceded more goals than 15^th placed West Bromwich Albion and Andriy Arshavin has scored 2 goals this season, the exact same tally as Alexander Oxlade Chamberlain...but with over five times the amount of playing time. Play Moneyball all you want Mr. Wenger but they are numbers you cannot argue with. Arshavin has never worked out, only flattered to deceive. Walcott has not progressed in the slightest. Rosicky hasn’t scored in two years. Injuries? Man Utd have injuries, they seem to be doing pretty well. Their substitute’s bench is built on perseverance and experience rather than raw talent but as good as Yennaris, Ignasi and Miyaichi look, they are either not given the playing time or are simply not ready yet. Would you rather be leading 2-1 away and bring on Scholes and Ji-Sung Park or be losing at home 1-2 and bring on Arshavin and Chu-Young Park?

On the transfer side of things, why was Cahill allowed to sign for Chelsea for £7m? Were we not in pole position in the summer but wouldn’t pay the £16m? Why were we not jumping at their throats January 1^st for a cut price deal? It took Koscielny a year to grow into the Premier League and he has proven to be exceptional this season but would not the same have been expected of Mertesacker? Alex, a player who has dominated against us for both Chelsea and PSV, is available for buttons this January. If we wanted a Chelsea reject, I just don’t know why we’ve ended up with Yossi Benayoun. Even on loan, Alex would provide both cover and experience. Two players heavily linked, Hazard and Gotze, are supremely talented and while we’ve always been ahead of the pack in this regard it all feels a little familiar. Torres, Aguero, Mata, Yaya Toure and Phil Jones have all been subject to miserly bids from Arsene and his Board before moving to top Premiership clubs. Each (with one current exception) has excelled in the Premier League for their teams. Clichy, Adebayor, Kolo Toure and Nasri, their own personal performances for City aside, are looking increasingly like the first rats of the sinking ship and increasingly like very happy rats on very dry land. Each was sold for what I believe was good reason but the fact remains that they weren’t adequately replaced and they’ll all be in the Champion’s League again next year, we may not be joining them...

This lack of ambition in the transfer market is astounding and well documented but the bigger picture is that we’ve had to watch our rivals surpass us on the pitch, in the trophy room and in reputation. Why would Hazard move to Arsenal when he can skip the stepping stone and play for Chelsea or Man City now?

Wenger can paper over the cracks with sub-par signings to appease the baying mob or he can set Arsenal up for the present and the future. As the voiciferous Emirates crowd sang on Sunday; “spend some fucking money”. Bring in Gotze, Hazard or Podolski. Current “equipe arabes du jour” PSG have been offered both Kaka and Pato in the past 10 days. If we are to bend or brake our wage structure, we could do far worse. Pato is still a superb talent and big game player, Galliani just prefers Ibra and Robinho. If anyone has doubts about Kaka’s ability, watch Madrid’s demolition of Bilbao last weekend and tell me he still can’t perform at the highest level. I say that through gritted teeth as a staunch antimadridista too!
 

We need 4^th place. We need the Champion’s League. Without it, Wenger’s project has failed. Without the CL, we become a selling club once again. Financial sustainability is admirable, but only when our income is constant. What happens to the rainy day money when it won’t stop raining? “In Arsene we trust” has echoed around Islington for the past 16 years. Maybe it’s time we change that and do what’s right for the club and right for the fans, maybe what we need to be saying is “In Arsenal we trust”...

Upstart!

Michael O'Doherty "writes" for the Herald and despite being a publishing giant in Ireland, you probably know the smarmy fuck from occasional television appearances on appalling shows you happened to know someone on. Like that thing on TV3 when they were looking for a new presenter. This is a a man who's vaccuous idea of self-promotion was to pretend to fire someone on RTE's latest sitcom, Fade St. He then decided to lay into Upstart, the Arts Group that I am currently blogging for. Upstart is a brilliant project highlighting the need for discourse and debate within the Irish Arts in this time of political change. I hope you've had a chance to see the posters in town and if you haven't make sure you get in before the end of week! How anyone could possibly have issue with what the group is trying (and succeeding) to achieve is beyond me and this particularly vicious attack by O'Doherty has left me seething. A response was written as part of my writing for Upstart which I will link to. I obviously could not be as brutal as I can be here but O'Doherty, for someone who runs magazines (guess what, magazines are part of the Arts, dickface) cannot write. I really do mean he can barely put a sentence together. His ironic failure to win any support for this has caused even more discourse and has therefore completely ratified the idea behind the project. It is a pity he had to attack the team but it is nice to see the comments on my official Upstart response backing us and realising that this bafflingly stupid man is getting nowhere.

If Mongrel magazine still existed, I'm sure Michael O'Doherty would be one of the front-runners for their annual "Cunt of the Year" article.

Anyway, LINKS! My new article will be up by the end of the day!

My section - Politics and Art

Upstart Home Page


Meanwhile, I found this T-Shirt. Love it.