Film 2014

Film: A Year in Review 

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2014 was a poor film year. A lack of invention, pretentious indies and a litany of dull blockbusters has left me a little sour. I struggled to put together a list of 10 "great" films so I therefore decided to this would be a list of favourites, a complete cop-out on my part obviously but film should be fun and there was at least a lot of fun to be had at the movies this year. That is not to say there wasn't great aspects to some films (most of which which didn't make the cut here); Julianne Moore in everything she did, the Maps to the Stars score was in fact beautiful too, every punch and kick in the otherwise bloated Raid 2, Chris Pratt ignoring the idiots he was surrounded by to deliver a solid lead performance. There was just often something missing in some nearly-greats. Something that's been missing for a while. Last year's similarly afflicted Dallas Buyers Club, Gravity and 12 Years A Slave swept award season without there being a single complete film between them. Here's hoping the return of the likes P.T. Anderson and Gonzalo Innaritu can change that come 2015 and bring back some glory to a fading Hollywood. This is my hastily put-together list of favourites and disappointments in no real order and very, ahem, “conversationally written” let’s say. Them Christmas drinks, like…also, I've tried to avoid it but there will be spoilers, you have been warned...

Caveat to the list: there was a number of films released this side of the world in 2014 that I will not be including as that giant screener leak last Christmas allowed us all to watch the likes of Her (my favourite of last year), Wolf of Wall St. etc a little bit early. Thanks internet!

Without further ado…...

Godzilla

Godzilla was hands-down the most fun I've had all year in the cinema. Is it a great movie? No. Did it make me grin like a child for 2 hours straight? Too fucking right. The tease of the big man was handled perfectly. THAT nuclear breath moment. Ken Watanabe being a complete loon throughout.The visual devastation of many, many places. I loved it all. I saw it in the cinema twice and while it will never have the same impact at home as it would in a theatre for two hours eight-year old Eoin sat munching popcorn smiling away at the return of pure theatrical nonsense. Gareth Edwards gave me precisely what I wanted from a Godzilla movie and for that I applaud him. Gojira!

The Zero Theorem

The Zero Theorem is a bizarre, wild ride which in typical Gilliam style asks far more questions than it answers. It is still worth every second of that trip and as I sat pondering what the point was at all I realised that it doesn't matter one iota, just strap in and let Gilliam do his thing. He is not the only brilliant thing about the film however, Christoph Waltz is astonishingly good (as per) and in Melanie Thierry he has unearthed a simply adorable, wonderful actress. I wanted to watch The Zero Theorem again the moment it hit the credits but for the life of me I couldn't say why...seek it out, there's a lovely place inside Gilliam's head somewhere and this is just a snapshot of of it.

The Lego Movie

At the last week of a month off the drink I was bored. Very bored. Everyone was on a Sunday sesh somewhere and with my willpower not necessarily in doubt but certainly strained to its upper limit I sauntered into the Cineworld lobby on my own to hide away for a few hours. Something utterly devoid of temptation would have to be on the ticket so a 3pm screening of a well-reviewed but avoided-by-a-lot-of-my-friends film about a thouroughly unflilmable toy seemed to fit the bill. "Lovely. A new low." I thought. Cue me screaming laughing much to the chagrin of the two couples either side of me in the packed out screen. I think I've watched it four times since. Every time the same result. 

Nightcrawler

Such a slick, little flick. Gyllenhall is the best he's been since questioning a man in a rabbit suit as the utterly contemptable protagonist. I've seen this compared to Drive, Collateral and American Psycho but its another beast entirely. The music, the pacing, the cinematography, the gorgeous, almost black nightscapes, everything was put together beautifully. Its a delicious slice of capatilism gone wrong that deserves all the praise its getting. 

The Guest

Admittedly, I'm a fan of Adam Wingard. Pop Skull is brutally well put together for a budget of two grand (HOW?) and You're Next tickled me in a way horror hasn't for a while. The Guest is different however, it's just a very, very good film. It toes the line of cliche so perfectly. Every time you think you've seen it all before Wingard manages to push through your expectation into new ground. Dan Stevens is a major part of this too. As the titular "guest" his blue-eyed, smiling lead is the epitome of creepily charismatic. He is so utterly convincing as "too good to be true" and when the film slides dramatically into the genre-hopping, violent crescendo you can just tell he's loving  this role. Serious break-out performance for the Downton Abbey man. The support cast is excellent throughout and the score is just delightfully synth-y too which rounds out what is certainly the best "genre" movie I've seen in a while and most definitely one of the best films I've seen this year. I cannot wait to revisit this already. Loved every second. 

Only Lovers Left Alive

Em, its got Tilda Swinton as a vampire so if you don't like her, y'know, don't bother like. If you like Tilda Swinton though, its deadly. 

The Grand Budapest Hotel

When I walked out of The Grand Budapest Hotel I felt a little disappointed but though it was pretty good. About 4 hours later I felt like a dope. It's fucking magnificent. 

Jodorowsky's Dune

The picture says it all really. Just watch it. 

Birdman

I can’t say a huge amount about Birdman as it opens next week and I want people to go in knowing as little as possible. What I will say is that it’s one of a very few truly great films I’ve seen in recent years. It’s a beautifully made, innovative and brilliantly scripted film and I struggle to pick out a stand-out performance because every single actor is at the top of their game. The score is judged meticulously, crashing drums and moments of gorgeous silence abound throughout to create a claustrophobic world that you can’t help but become lost in. Superlatives aside, Birdman is the best film I’ve seen this year and probably the best film I’ve seen this decade to be honest. Go see it when it opens on January 2^nd and I’ll see you in the queue.

BONUS ROUND DISAPPOINTMENTS:


Guardians of the Galaxy

It's not Star Wars, stop being silly. Its a boring film that has a good actor who is not Harrison Ford.

Frank

A horrid disgusting film that made me feel like I'd eaten a big heaping spoon of salt instead of something nice like ice-cream or any kind of meat. How did they make such an unlikeable mess? Bafflingly poor. 

Calvary

"Let's round up the first ten actors that Mrs Mac down the street can name and miscast them all as 'characters' in some pretty village out wesht"

"Ha gas, yeah. They'll lap that up won't they"

FUCK OFF

The Double

Genuinely really disappointed in this because a lot of signs are there that there may have been a good film at one point or another. Unfortunately Ayoade (who's Submarine I loved) just can't seem to pull it all together. There's something more to him as a director but Eisenberg needs to go away for a while now. 

Interstellar (SPOILERS)

In no order whatsoever: Does Cooper realise he has two children? Why does Michael Caine not age? Why did he do a funny voice when he was dying? Why does black astronaut put talc in his hair and pretend to age? Why is every other planet so phenomenally boring? Why does McConnaughey whisper every. fucking. line? Why does Anne Hathaway's mouth curl up into a smile even when she’s crying? Why is Wes Bentley in this film? Why is Topher Grace in this film? Why does Cooper go into space despite having heard about the plan just 6 hours previously? Why do they tell him nothing about the mission that he’s on? Why do they trust his judgement on every decision despite him knowing nothing about physics, space or science? Why does he do a little “Fast and the Furious” thing to land the shuttle when flying away from the planet presents no apparent danger? Why does the shuttle have the ability to just whip around the galaxy with no problems when the larger ship is completely rubbish at everything? Why don't they just drive around space in a bigger lander? Why do they copy Event Horizon’s description of a black hole so blatantly? Why was the score so grandiose and self-indulgent? Where does the robot actually go at the end? Has the robot somehow achieved conciousness? Why doesn’t Cooper just type “It’s Dad” in Morse Code? How are NASA funding this entire operation? How are they feeding their staff? Why don’t they just share some of their apparently limitless resources? How THE FUCK has no-one stumbled across the super-secret base yet? Why does Hathaway claim to love this person despite being a total scientist about every single other thing that happens in the film? Why does this “love” motif even exist in this film? Why does Jessica Chastain’s Murph accent sound nothing like child Murph’s? Why do they not actually understand what Murphy’s Law means? Why does Cooper spend the whole film getting back to Murph only to leave immediately to go and find Hathaway? Why do they think he’d possibly want to see his house rebuilt? Why is the new station identical to the Citadel in Mass Effect? Where is his son? Does anyone care? Why does the field take forever to burn despite Topher Grace’s insistence that they should leave? Why does Matt Damon has the space cray? Remember how John Lithgow was in this? Finally, why, oh why, would Christopher Nolan try to defend a horrific sound edit and mix with this complete and utter garbage - http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/behind-screen/christopher-nolan-breaks-silence-interstellar-749465 ?

Fair play to those of you who have stuck it out till the bitter end, Orson Welles loves you...

Pub Talk Health Challenge part 1...

“I’m going to get sick”

“Come on, just three more”

If this is something you are used to hearing then I applaud you. You have been to a gym. You are either fit or at least trying to become better at pretending to be. 10 days ago I was climbing into a pint of Guinness as if I was Mark Renton chasing a suppository down the jacks knowing full well that it was going to be my last for 32 odd days. I have just had the above conversation and it feels great. Well, I can’t feel most of my body but mentally, I’m basically there.

Not that taking a month off the black stuff should be heralded necessarily but when you combine a complete overhaul of diet, exercise regime, substance intake (I’m keeping the fags for now, gimme one vice to get through it) the body gets a bit confused. I’m absolutely gagging for a Dairy Milk. I haven’t had sugar outside of fruit in over a week. To say I was irritable for the first few days would be an understatement. I don’t think I ever realised how much the body withdraws from things that aren’t nicotine/alcohol/insert Class A of choice here. Through the help of dietician Orla Walsh and personal trainer Marcus O’Driscoll this month, personally, is about proving that mentally and physically we are in control of our bodies. I mean this at the most base level. I’m not trying to have 0% body fat, I’m not trying to achieve enlightenment, I’m just trying to show myself that it’s possible to change the way we view ourselves and change our quality of life through doing simple things right. Something Orla said at the very start of this process on the show was that if we go out and drink six pints in the pub it’s the equivalent of sitting in and eating a sliced pan. I thought this over and over. I fucking hate sliced pan.

I’d like to think I’ve had a good diet for the past few years. In hindsight, I didn’t. In the past ten days I’ve eaten more fruit and veg than I had in the previous 10 weeks. I’m starting to learn through talking to people each day that it’s an unfortunately ingrained Irish trait that we see what others do and think that as long as we’re doing better than someone else then we’re doing pretty well. The classic excuse for drinking too much is that there’s always someone who drinks more and “well, at least I’m not as bad as ____”.  For me, it’s time to change that.

I’ve genuinely noticed a lift in energy, especially in the mornings, my skin feels better and I’m actually getting shit done that would have taken three times as long before due to general lethargy and apathy towards doing anything if it didn’t have to be done.

This is all very optimistic and you’ll absolutely see me act out that famous scene from Trainspotting using a pint as a prop come March 7^th but hopefully with a renewed sense of being in control of my health. From March 7th, I’m not going to stop drinking and I’m not going to become militant about my food, I’m just going to be more aware of what I’m putting in and how I can balance that against my overall lifestyle.

Day 1 I weighed 69.8kg, about 11st. My BMI was 23.6 and my fat% was 16.6%. I’m not interested in losing weight or gaining muscle mass, I just want to my body to be a healthier version of what it currently is.

Let’s just hope it doesn’t hurt as much as this afternoon…



For those of you who don't care here's a good looking man with a beard and an atttractive lady who has managed to convey the sense of being a Native American despite wearing very little. I think the hat gives it away. Something for everyone anyway.