Eoin Monaghan vs. The State of Gaming Today

I grew up in an age where the best thing you could hear on a Tuesday night was the cracking of a can of gone-off Tennant’s while James was calling Alex a sap because he beat him three times in a row in Facility with Proximity Mines only on. If that sentence means anything to you then you were a winner.  You had mates who would call round to your gaff to slag you. Someone would have a lump of the soapiest of soap bar and someone else had an older brother who would go to Deveney’s to grab the aforementioned fermented beverages. But these days, what do you have? A 2.2 in a useless degree because you sat up till 4am every weeknight playing online against Annyong, the 14 year old Korean, at the latest Call of Duty which you bought for 60e despite the only difference from the last one being that “occasionally my AK turns a slightly darker gun-metal grey when I have exactly 47 bullets left”. What did I get in my degree? Well, eh, a 2.2…but that’s different! Everyone remembers the night where we hooked up the N64 in Luke’s tree house and nobody realised that the trapdoor in the floor opened downwards…what do you have, online gamer?

“Remember when, like, the headshot was, eh…”
“No! Only Annyong remembers that you anti-social buffoon!”

It’s not that I can’t game alone, I most certainly can. I’m the kind of person who has forged Tournesol in Final Fantasy X, unlocked 00 Agent mode in Goldeneye, played till 2026 in Football Manager. I play Skyrim. I completely understand wasting many, many hours in front of a screen alone. But the latest batch of online multiplayer shooters, football sims and racers just leave me cold. The new Fifa is better than the new Pro Evo? Sure, but I’d still rather invite the lads round and play the far superior Pro Evo 6. Want to meet online to play Battlefield 3? No, why don’t I call over and look you in the eye when I monkey-gun your sorry ass in Timesplitters 2. Ever played 8 player Mario Party 4 in a tiny room with a load of cans? There is no better Thursday afternoon to be had. I hate that gamers have forsaken each other for lifeless, robotic stat building. And that’s all online gaming is, there’s no story, no characters, no surprises, no…spirit! The latest gaming buzz-verb “prestiging” is basically an admission of failure. Prestiging 3 times is failing to realise 3 times that you are a mindless drone looking for acceptance in a community that doesn’t physically exist.

I’m not arguing that it shouldn’t exist. The idea of online gaming is brilliant. Play your mates and don’t leave the gaff? Chalk it down, I’m in. But then the Fear comes on strong…when did I last leave this house…this room...this chair?

In the end, it’s the standard of games and the people that play them that turns me into a Larry David-esque, cynical grump. If there was a multiplayer game up to the standard of Mario Kart or Perfect Dark, I probably wouldn’t leave my house. But there’s not. Unfortunately, the online community doesn’t stand for n00bs that didn’t buy the game on release day and devote a week of learning how to count the frame rate of Dhalsim’s Yoga Flame either.

I really can’t implore people to spend more time with older games, cheaper beer and actual people enough.  There’s better ways to pretend to study and if you’re not a student, far better excuses for not having a job. 

As an aside, a lot of promoters, musicians, DJs and generally great people that I've worked with or had the pleasure of knowing are really quite angry about Una Mullally and her bland typing position at the Irish Times. While I agree that, yes, the article in question could have been dribbled onto a page by a four year old on a trampoline, it really isn't overly offensive. I'm surprised there's been such a reaction to the piece because, frankly, I'm surprised people care at all. Of course, it is disappointing that the paper that has housed O'Brien, Banville and Humphries (not you, Binchy) should print such tripe but how and ever, the readership and target demographic of the Irish Times Weekend Review is not that fit girl you were dancing with beside the Stage at Maya Jane Coles (who were you, fit girl??). Its not your mate who's just done an E.P. made entirely of kick drums, or even that DJ you booked once who wanted a hot cup of tea walked through the crowd when they were on stage. The Irish Times unfortunately didn't take the people who the article was about into consideration, just who they wanted to read it. So what's changed as a result of the article? Nothing. People still think Una's a twit and everyone's continuing to make music, DJ, create, be brilliant and go completely unnoticed to the masses. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Ian Maleney has written a superb response here :

Interstate 808

And the original can be read here too :
Una Mullally - Irish Times

That team I like...

Just more wood to the fire, nothing new or interesting here. The dust has settled and the dissection has begun. Journalists, pundits and bloggers alike have been circling the Ashburton Grove waters since the turn of the year, waiting for a sniff of blood...and on Sunday, they got their opportunity. The Manchester clubs did the double over London, helped by Wenger’s “Championship Manager-esque” substitution and Defoe’s best Gazza impression. Tottenham should still be a lock for at least 4^th at this point however and honestly, Arsenal weren’t that bad on Sunday. But compared to what standards? A lot of Arsenal fans’ standards currently seem to be set decidedly higher than the Arsenal manager’s. We deserve more. Wenger has almost certainly been afforded too much leeway in terms of how this club is run, that much is clear, but I still want him to leave the club a legend. If that means sooner rather than later, so be it. Look at Dalglish, 100m spent in a year and they've regressed to what many would consider a poorer team than Benitez’ last days. Expect the King Kenny backlash to start around the beginning of March when Gerrard tears his cruciate playing golf with Michael Owen and Dalglish brings in Owen Hargreaves on a emergency exchange deal involving most of the Kop’s season ticket holders. I fear Arsene’s backlash has just begun (again). Previous to Sunday, Wenger has always decided on his subs before the game starts. The Djourou sub was genuinely surprising because it was a reaction to what was actually happening on the pitch not just a statistical analysis based on conditioning and how much pasta Djourou had eaten that week. Then what happens at 68 mins? Back to the book for Wenger, replacing an 18 year old with an international captain.

“Look” exclaims Arsene, “Andriy has acceleration 17 and finishing 16! Certainly, he shall win the game for us.”

Here’s some stats Arsene, we’ve lost 3 games in a row, we’ve had 6 seasons without a trophy and this will absolutely be a 7^th without one of note, we have conceded more goals than 15^th placed West Bromwich Albion and Andriy Arshavin has scored 2 goals this season, the exact same tally as Alexander Oxlade Chamberlain...but with over five times the amount of playing time. Play Moneyball all you want Mr. Wenger but they are numbers you cannot argue with. Arshavin has never worked out, only flattered to deceive. Walcott has not progressed in the slightest. Rosicky hasn’t scored in two years. Injuries? Man Utd have injuries, they seem to be doing pretty well. Their substitute’s bench is built on perseverance and experience rather than raw talent but as good as Yennaris, Ignasi and Miyaichi look, they are either not given the playing time or are simply not ready yet. Would you rather be leading 2-1 away and bring on Scholes and Ji-Sung Park or be losing at home 1-2 and bring on Arshavin and Chu-Young Park?

On the transfer side of things, why was Cahill allowed to sign for Chelsea for £7m? Were we not in pole position in the summer but wouldn’t pay the £16m? Why were we not jumping at their throats January 1^st for a cut price deal? It took Koscielny a year to grow into the Premier League and he has proven to be exceptional this season but would not the same have been expected of Mertesacker? Alex, a player who has dominated against us for both Chelsea and PSV, is available for buttons this January. If we wanted a Chelsea reject, I just don’t know why we’ve ended up with Yossi Benayoun. Even on loan, Alex would provide both cover and experience. Two players heavily linked, Hazard and Gotze, are supremely talented and while we’ve always been ahead of the pack in this regard it all feels a little familiar. Torres, Aguero, Mata, Yaya Toure and Phil Jones have all been subject to miserly bids from Arsene and his Board before moving to top Premiership clubs. Each (with one current exception) has excelled in the Premier League for their teams. Clichy, Adebayor, Kolo Toure and Nasri, their own personal performances for City aside, are looking increasingly like the first rats of the sinking ship and increasingly like very happy rats on very dry land. Each was sold for what I believe was good reason but the fact remains that they weren’t adequately replaced and they’ll all be in the Champion’s League again next year, we may not be joining them...

This lack of ambition in the transfer market is astounding and well documented but the bigger picture is that we’ve had to watch our rivals surpass us on the pitch, in the trophy room and in reputation. Why would Hazard move to Arsenal when he can skip the stepping stone and play for Chelsea or Man City now?

Wenger can paper over the cracks with sub-par signings to appease the baying mob or he can set Arsenal up for the present and the future. As the voiciferous Emirates crowd sang on Sunday; “spend some fucking money”. Bring in Gotze, Hazard or Podolski. Current “equipe arabes du jour” PSG have been offered both Kaka and Pato in the past 10 days. If we are to bend or brake our wage structure, we could do far worse. Pato is still a superb talent and big game player, Galliani just prefers Ibra and Robinho. If anyone has doubts about Kaka’s ability, watch Madrid’s demolition of Bilbao last weekend and tell me he still can’t perform at the highest level. I say that through gritted teeth as a staunch antimadridista too!
 

We need 4^th place. We need the Champion’s League. Without it, Wenger’s project has failed. Without the CL, we become a selling club once again. Financial sustainability is admirable, but only when our income is constant. What happens to the rainy day money when it won’t stop raining? “In Arsene we trust” has echoed around Islington for the past 16 years. Maybe it’s time we change that and do what’s right for the club and right for the fans, maybe what we need to be saying is “In Arsenal we trust”...